AlternativeEFLTasks

Do you want to learn REAL English?

Do you want a REAL English experience?

Then The Yorkshire English school is what you want.

The Yorkshire English school

Set in the pictureque hills of the pennines, the Yorkshire English school offers EFL students a unique learning experience. 

Forget fancy Southern English with their fancy talk and fancy grammar, come to Yorkshire and learn to talk proppa.

Here are some of our staff, all Yorkshire born n’ bred:

Mel B-Senior teacher

Sean Bean-Head of teacher training, teacher and head of student discipline

Our management team:

Norman Clegg-Assistant Director of Studies

Foggy Dewhurst-Director of Studies

Compo Simmonite-Head of accommodation

Arkwright-Tuckshop manager and pronunciation teacher

We also offer excursions to local hotspots

Fields, lots of. Great for walks or getting lost.

The beautiful clear water of Scarborough

Luxury accommodation

Yorkshire food

A good old fashioned Sunday roast and veg. 

Pie n’ peas.Luvly!

Interesting activities

Bog snorkling

Ferret legging

Get some essential work experience by doing an internship

Social life

Enjoy nights out on the town and meet locals:

Book your place now. We offer Yorkshire English courses for all levels and pub English test preparation.

Don’t forget the Yorkshireman’s motto:

‘Ear all, see all, say nowt;Eyt all, sup all, pay nowt;And if ivver tha does owt fer nowt -Do it fer thissen.

=‘Hear all, see all, say nothing; Eat all, drink all, pay nothing; And if ever you do anything for nothing - Do it for yourself.

Good evening normal people. My assistant John Watson has asked me to write on this blog, he said you would like some ideas for teaching. So, now that I have emptied my revolver into the neighbour’s wall, finished my latest case and unravelled the greatest mystery of all time-why is British toilet humour funny, I shall bestow my intellectual genius upon you. In fact, I have become a consulting EFL teacher as detective work seems to be drying up, possibly because I have solved all the cases.

PTV

Overuse of laughing gas 

People mingle and are mingled in return

You are infatuated with his wife, no sister, no dog

A high-functioning sociopath

Morbidly obese

Undisguised halitosis

Lactose intolerance

Task

This task is for a first lesson and is a chance for students to ‘get to know’ each other, break the ice and socialise. I don’t have time for such things but John tells me they are all the rage nowadays. It is a mingling thing where people mingle and are mingled in return.

Useful language

I know you’re a dentist and you’ve been barred for your overuse of laughing gas on…yourself. I know you’ve got a brother who’s worried about you, but you won’t go to him for help because you don’t approve of him. You are infatuated with his wife, no sister, no dog.

So, you’re a serial English school addict. Love those—there’s always something to look forward to.

I’m not a psychopath. I’m a high-functioning sociopath. Do your research.

Your name is Paul, morbidly obese. The undisguised halitosis of a single man living on his own. The right sleeve of an bacon sandwich addict. And the breathing pattern of an untreated heart condition. Low self esteem, tiny IQ and a limited life expectancy. 

No, don’t tell me, you are an intermediate, you have been here 6 months, you’ve failed all your classes on purpose because you have a crush on the man in the canteen who doesn’t know you exist. After this class will go to McDonalds and eat your favourite burger and order large fries then meet your friend Trish who has just had a corn removed from her left toe and has severe diarrhea due to her lactose intolerance.

No, I’m not from Spain and no I don’t have a wife, yes I like women but not the boring types. Oh, how I hate boring. Yes, I would find your opening joke a little tedious and probably laugh just to pass the time but then make an excuse and leave. So, there, bye.

Some kind of EFL virus has turned the rest of your school into dangerous zombies intent on eating everything in their path. You and your classmates are the only survivors. You must lead the group out of the building and avoid beating killed, eaten, nibbled on or even getting licked. Be careful, the canteen is fully stocked with cutlery, condiments, Jamie Oliver cook books and a vast array of aperitifs so these zombies are ready for lunch.

PTV

Stag Party

barmaid

an animal caught in a trap

Task

Give a pep talk to your class and prepare them for the horror outside. As you are the only one who has seen the undead when you nipped out for a pee and almost got something bitten off, you need to convince them to follow you. You also need to locate your ipad which is lost somewhere in the school.

Useful language

You don’t know what it’s like out there. You may think you do but you don’t. It’s worst than a Stag Party.

I’m sorry this happened to you but we gotta pull together.

Remember, we don’t kill the living, just the not dead not living things outside. I know they may look like your friends, teachers or the barmaid in the pub but they’re not.

Maybe we got a second chance. Not many people get that.

There’s us and the dead. We survive this by pulling together, not apart. Just think, you won’t have to do exam prep classes anymore.

We gotta find the DOS. We left him like an animal caught in a trap.

I’m just a teacher looking for his ipad. Anyone who gets in the way is going to lose.

The EFL world ended. Didn’t you get the Tweet?

There’s always hope. Maybe it won’t be you, maybe not be here. But somebody somewhere knows where my ipad is.